Emotion Fluctuation

It is suppose to be a happy day for me today. The moment I opened my outlook in the office this morning, saw the letter of award for a project, a multi-million project. It's an achievement but why am I feeling blue?

I apologized to my mates whom I met up with just a little while ago at Jaya One for dinner. I can't hide my feelings, I admit I have a very poor EQ, I am blue. I am not neither sad nor upset but just this weird feeling of blue.

My mood fluctuated. A moment I can be as chirpy as a bird but I can be also really down on another. The moment "she" conquered my mind, I felt that way. It happened just like that. I seem to be in auto-cruise in my own world.



It had been 2 years, 2 months & 17 days. I felt lousy, I felt weak, I felt defeated. Many of times, best buddies around me who see me this way, I made them felt lousy and many of times they try to wake me up by putting knife after knife into my mentality but thus far, no one had really manage to mend the wound I am nursing. Guys, sorry I disappointed you but you are not me, you would not understand the feeling, really. I do appreciate your advices but my ears only chose what I want to hear and eliminate those I do not want to.

(Taking a deep sigh) I felt that I am being haunted, I saw someone that actually look like her, again like I said I am in my own world. Who understands this nonsensical feeling that I am enduring now? Who had been through this? Yes, again & again I hear words like, "Dude, it's not the end of the world!" Yeah, I do know that! That's why I have not even ended my own life foolishly after so long. But it is just that feeling that is haunting me. The wrongdoing of mine, the regrets & the pain. I apologize my dear, really I do.

Let me drown in my own world. Good night & enjoy this beautiful song that best describes me now.



Look at this face
I know the years are showin’
Look at this life
I still don’t know where it’s goin’

I don't know much
But I know I love you
And that may be
All I need to know

Look at these eyes
They never seen what mattered
Look at these dreams
So beaten and so battered, hoo…ooh…

I don't know much
But I know I love you
And that may be
All I need to know

So many questions
Still left unanswered
So much
I’ve never broken through

And when I feel you near me
Sometimes I see so clearly
The only truth I’ve ever known
Is me and you

Look at this man
So blessed with inspiration
Look at this soul
Still searching for salvation

I don't know much
But I know I love you
And that may be
All I need to know

I don't know much
But I know I love you
That may be
All I need to know

I don't know much
But I know I love you
That may be
All there is to know, whoa…oh…oh…oh…ah…